For the past few years, the end of October has marked the beginning of a difficult two month stretch for me. With the days getting shorter, it is still dark when I start my morning runs, and I don’t leave work until well after sunset. I do believe the lack of sunlight tends to foul my mood.
Besides the darkness, the end of the year, along with yet another dreaded and inevitably approaching birthday, always seem to force me to reflect on past failures and mistakes. This time of year is a reminder that time stops for no one, and drives me into a pattern of worry and regret that is probably not healthy for a soon to be twenty nine year old. At times, it can get bad enough that I almost think myself into a panic.
The approaching holidays tend to make things even more uncomfortable for me. Seeing people celebrate and appear joyful during a time that I find difficult makes me feel out of place and out of whack. I get irritable and discontent, even more so than usual.
I am hoping this year will be better than last year. I do seem to be more at peace with many things that drove me up the wall last year, but who knows. I just hope I get through the next two months without doing anything I will later regret.