For the past few years, the end of October has marked the beginning of a difficult two month stretch for me. With the days getting shorter, it is still dark when I start my morning runs, and I don’t leave work until well after sunset. I do believe the lack of sunlight tends to foul my mood.
Besides the darkness, the end of the year, along with yet another dreaded and inevitably approaching birthday, always seem to force me to reflect on past failures and mistakes. This time of year is a reminder that time stops for no one, and drives me into a pattern of worry and regret that is probably not healthy for a soon to be twenty nine year old. At times, it can get bad enough that I almost think myself into a panic.
The approaching holidays tend to make things even more uncomfortable for me. Seeing people celebrate and appear joyful during a time that I find difficult makes me feel out of place and out of whack. I get irritable and discontent, even more so than usual.
I am hoping this year will be better than last year. I do seem to be more at peace with many things that drove me up the wall last year, but who knows. I just hope I get through the next two months without doing anything I will later regret.
It is always a bummer when a certain time of the year triggers something awful because every year that time of year happens again. No way around it.
ReplyDeleteEventually you will have new memories that fill this time of year and hopefully those are all good ones so you can forget about all the other stuff that drives you up a wall.
The holidays always stress me out. I don't know what to get people. I don't know what to tell people I want. I know near the holidays I'm not supposed to buy myself stuff when it's on sale and super cheap but then what I ask for I don't get (I'm still w/o an alarm clock that I didn't buy myself last year because it was on my Christmas list.)
I have just been talking about how hard it is to get a run in. (even though I haven't run for awhile I think my knee is better so I want to run but then it is dark when I leave for work and dark when I get home so then I don't get that initial first run in.
Yeah, I do have hope it won't continue to be like this. As far as running this time of year, it took me a long time to get into the habit, but now I just get up and go. There is little thought process involved. Just part of the routine Tuesday through Friday.
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